Sample Op-Ed Article

[Use this sample article as a model for your own op-ed article. Put it into your own words, and make it right for you. For example, you may not have children, in which case the first paragraph isn't accurate. Also, add examples of local programs when possible.]

John Smith

I remember so vividly my two-year-old always responding, "No!," to so many of my suggestions—my parental wisdom. There's a twist to that reaction as youngsters enter their teen years.

Young adolescents—children from 10 to 14 years of age—are beginning a time of development when they search for power. The two-year-old's "No" becomes "Soooooo," or "You're so old-fashioned," or "Leave me alone," or even "Don't give me your attitude."

Such reactions can be extremely intimidating to parents or other adults, such as teachers and school principals. But we all need to understand that this is a natural phase—it doesn't mean that our children suddenly despise us.

As a middle level (teacher or principal—change as appropriate), I see this behavior frequently. And while the frequency doesn't make it easier to understand, those of us teaching young adolescents have developed some strategies over the years to deal with this behavior shift. There are strategies that will help adults live successfully with young adolescents.

Parents and other relatives of young adolescents should understand first that this is normal behavior. Kids at this age want more control over their own lives. They know they're no longer third graders and assume that greater power and control come with their added years.

Frankly, it can be just as tough being a young adolescent as being a young adolescent's parents. This is the second most dramatic time in a person's development. If we look into young adolescents' heads, we are likely to see that many of them believe they have no say over what they consider to be important parts of their lives, such as curfew or family/time commitments. Also, they have little money at their disposal since regular part-time jobs are not readily available. And they still must rely on others for transportation. So they are struggling.

The trick for parents is to find ways to help young adolescents grow, assume appropriate control over their lives, and develop the good decision-making skills they will need throughout their lives. Here are some ideas:

• Don't use a "bulldozer approach." Young adolescents need to grow, and adults should allow them greater control over their lives within limits. But to use our authority to "flatten" the child will only create greater walls between the parent and young adolescent.

• Bend a little. Find times when young adolescents can make decisions, even decisions for the entire family, such as where the family will go for dinner or what time you'll attend your religious service. As youngsters handle the easy decisions effectively, allow them to work on the harder decisions, even suggesting places for the family vacation. Have them plan some of these events to help them develop responsibility and decision making skills.

• Understand that young adolescents can be the most effective manipulators in the world. They have spent 10 years studying how we react to certain situations. Now they may play dad against mom, parent against teacher, grandparent against parent. Yes, we should help them grow, but we should not let them control us. Appropriateness is always the key.

• Disengage when that's most effective. Sometimes young adolescents will carry an argument forward just to see how far they can get. That's part of learning how much power they can achieve. Don't let arguments reach the point where both parties say things that will result in long-term damage to the parent-child relationship—especially if it's not the most important topic. Call for a cooling off period, set another time to solve the issue.

• Understand what the really important issues are. For example, many parents "freak out"—to use the young adolescent's terminology—when their youngster decides to color his or her hair or wear an earring. Such actions may be very different from how we acted in our youth, but they aren't as important as staying in school, staying away from drugs and alcohol, or remaining involved with the family. Give on the smaller issues, but stand tall on those that are really important.

[If there are local programs at your school that would help parents, either add them to this list or replace this list with them. Such local information will improve this article greatly. Also, you may have different ideas to include. That's great.]

These are tough times—but a natural process—for all. Keep that foremost in mind.